A point by point explanation of why the holiday season is so tough for your child who has been exposed to trauma.
Index: Looking for tips on how to guide your child through the holidays? Wondering why your child has been acting out more than usual? You are not alone! Holiday season comes with highs and lows for everyone but it can be particularly difficult for some children. Check out this blog for practical ways to help your child (and yourself) actually enjoy the season!
What is trauma and has my child experienced it
Why our children might act out during holiday season
What we can do to help
Adverse childhood experiences impact so many people. They can shape the way a child understands expectations, relationships, safety, etc. Three types of ACEs include: abuse (physical 28.3%, emotional 10.6% and sexual 20.7%), neglect (physical 9.9% and emotional 14.8%), and household dysfunction (mental illness 19.4%, incarcerated relative 4.7%, mother treated violently 12.7%, substance abuse 26.9% and divorce 23.3%)
Despite our greatest efforts, many of our children (adopted, fostered or biological) have experienced one or more ACEs. While we can not undo the past, we can do a handful of things to help our children not be reminded of or relive these experiences. This list highlights a few behavioral characteristics to help you identify if your child might be struggling with their past trauma during the holiday season.
Remember: almost all children are a little uneasy during this season due to tiredness and build up of anticipation. Try to have grace with your child regardless of their past.
Holidays have the potential to impact everyone in some negative ways, despite our greatest intentions! Can you think of a time that you have simply been overwhelmed with all the commotion surrounding family gatherings, parties, cooking and shopping? We can!
While we like to highlight the surprises and celebrations, this also means a lot of change in routine, diet, people and surroundings. Children are greatly impacted by stability, or lack thereof. If your child is unusually acting out, this might be because he/she is checking to make sure you are paying attention to them. When your child is throwing a tantrum… they are not trying to sabotage your work – don’t take it personally. This list highlights a handful of things parents tend to overlook or negate that actually impacts children more than they think!
Don’ts:
There are so many different triggers a child might experience and there could be new triggers each year. It is extremely difficult to predict all your childs triggers. However, if you know things that comfort them or have triggered them in the past, try to be mindful. “For example, if your child is prone to feeling overwhelmed in large groups of loud talking, try to take them to the side for a few quiet moments throughout the day” – Heart to Heart Family Counseling
In the end remember that this is a special time to share with your family no matter the circumstances. Being aware of your child’s feelings is the first step. We are praying for your family and wishing you well this holiday season!
Sources:
https://www.hearttoheartfamilycounseling.com/blog/tips-for-caring-for-children-with-trauma-during-the-holiday-season
The Holidays with Kids Who’ve Been Exposed to Trauma
https://www.rwjf.org/en/library/infographics/the-truth-about-aces.html#/download