Q: Wouldn't it be too hard to carry a baby for 9 months then give him or her to another family?
A: Adoption is painful for birth families – no doubt about it. It is a decision that should never be entered into lightly. However, along with the pain, there can be joy mixed in…the joy of seeing your child in a healthy place both physically and emotionally. There is joy in seeing your child loved by both his birthfamily and adoptive family, building a community of even more people to surround this child in love and encouragement for life!
Q Aren't people who choose adoption for their baby heartless and irresponsible?
A: Adoption can be a very responsible decision. When birthparents carefully choose an adoptive family, they are showing responsibility by providing the safe and nurturing environment they want for their child. A mother who chooses adoption for her baby has to carry her baby for 9 months. She has nurtured and bonded with her child. For a woman to place her baby in the arms of another is one of the most painful acts of selflessness known. She can only do so out of ultimate love for her child in hopes of providing for him or her the family and life she wants him or her to have.
Q: How will I explain my choice for adoption to my child later on? What will I say about keeping my other children?
A: You start by explaining your choice to yourself! What were the unique circumstances in your life at that particular time that led you to the decision for adoption? Write our your story while the emotions are still fresh. Hopefully you will have opportunities to develop a relationship with your child and his/her adoptive family from the beginning. You can start telling the simple parts of your story while the child is young. (Something like that fact you love him, but when he was a baby, you weren’t able to give him everything he needed.) As the child grows, you can add more age appropriate details. With open adoption, many women find that the child is secure in his birth mom’s love for him and doesn’t feel as much need for the explanation. At APO, we train our adoptive families to tell the child their adoption story from the first day. The adoptive parents instill honor and respect for the birth family by telling this story, by spending time with the birth family, and by having pictures of the birth family in the home.
Q: Can adoptive parents love an adopted child as much as a biological child?
A: Couples who are seeking to adopt truly want a child to love and nurture. Ask any couple who has adopted through APO how they feel about their child. We repeatedly hear APO couples say they would stand in front of a moving freight train for the child they adopted! Additionally, adoptive parents are required to go through an extensive screening process before they are permitted to adopt a child. We look for couples who have a sincere love for children and a desire to point them to Christ. They must attend adoption education seminars. They must endure long interviews, a home study, criminal background checks, financial reviews and submit several references. A couple would not allow such intrusion into their lives if they weren’t serious about wanting to love a baby. Once that child is in their arms, the amazing bonding begins as it does for biological parents.
Q: If I choose adoption for my child, will my child grow up to hate me?
A: In open adoption you can show your child the love you have for him. You can send cards, letters and gifts, and many birthparents have regular visits with their child and their adoptive family. Your child need never doubt. He can have his questions answered and truly see the loving act of adoption. He can have the freedom to love both his adoptive parents and his birthparents.
Q: Don’t most adopted children grow up to have emotional and behavioral problems?
A: Let’s look at what some of the research shows:
- Adopted adolescents exhibit more self-esteem and self-confidence, and feel more secure in their families than children from single-parent families.
- Adopted adolescents experience depression less than children of single parents and they are less likely to abuse alcohol and engage in theft, vandalism, group fighting and weapon use.
- Adopted children do better academically and have a better economic situation than children from single-parent homes.
Q: Is adoption against God's will?
A: Adoption is mentioned in a positive light throughout the Bible.
- Moses: Jocabed found an adoptive home for her son, Moses, with the daughter of the Pharoah of Egypt. Moses’ life was in danger when his mother placed him in a basket and floated him down the river. She grieved her loss, but her heroic act allowed Moses to be raised in the palace as the adopted son of the Pharoah’s daughter. His life in the palace prepared him to be the leader of God’s people, the Israelites. (Exodus 2:10)
- Samuel: Hannah committed her son, Samuel, to the Lord’s service after he was weaned (around age 3 or 4.) Samuel grew up in the temple with the priest named Eli as his father. Hannah took new clothes to him every year. Samuel became a great leader for the nation of Israel. (I Samuel 1)
- Jesus: God provided an earthly father, Joseph, for Jesus. God told Joseph to take Mary as his wife and to name the child. Naming a child was the awesome responsibility of the father. Joseph fully and completely assumed the role of Jesus’ earthly father. (Matthew 1:18-25)
- Christians: God, our Heavenly Father, established the institution of the family and the importance of fatherhood. He has declared Himself to be the Heavenly Father of those who call upon His name. The Bible says, “…but you have received the spirit of adoption as sons, by which we cry out, “Abba (daddy), Father.” (Romans 8:15)